Ok! So I haven't blogged in a while. I received and email today and it was just what I needed to get back in the saddle again.
His name is David Brown. I been following his story for the last year or so. He has been falsely imprisoned in Albania. He is a Christian. The state has fabricated a story about him in order to stop teaching children about Jesus Christ. I wish I could share his whole email, because it was amazing. I will share bits of it.
Dear Friends,
It is almost with fear and trembling that I venture to put pen to paper again.
This has been my winter of death since the verdict on 19th November 2008. John chp.12 vs 24-26 says "I tell you the truth, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves Me must follow Me; and where I am My servant also will be. My Father will honour the one who serves Me." [N.I.V.] Like verse 26 I have served Jesus by walking the Calvary Road with Him, bearing a judgement of shame for a crime I never committed.
Eventually I was able to see what a privilege it is to share this road with Him, but, when I reached the cross [the death of David Brown and all he stood for] I said "Lord, how can I follow You? For though I am not guilty of the crime I walk the road with You for, I am not pure like You are." Jesus said "But David there are three crosses. You may join Me in dying to self today and, if you look unto My death to pay the price of your redemption, as the repentant criminal did, you may also join Me in My resurrection." My seed has fallen into the ground and died, but the good news is that the story does not end there. A seed lies some time in the dark, wet, cold, unpleasant ground until it's hard kernal falls away and until, in the natural, it is dead. Then new life fills it and it sprouts - first roots to draw up goodness and then a shoot of new life rises to live again.
During the first few days the realisation of what had happened started to sink in. I had never allowed myself to believe that God would permit the trial to go against me. I had believed He would cause the truth to prevail, but it hadn't. Instead lies, false evidence and corruption had prevailed and I had been given an outrageous sentence, totally disproportionate, even by Albanian law, to the crime they claimed I had committed. I could not understand what had happened and my mind went into overload. I was like a man drowning. I kept coming up for air, bursting into tears, and then going down again into depression. Next followed two letters from close friends, who I now believe were themselves devastated by what had happened and were looking for answers. They tore into me, trying to "shake me into reality" as they said, telling me I had been deluded and had thus deceived others as well as myself with my words from God that He would deliver me. It was now time to wake up, they said, and to face the reality that I had been sentenced to 20years - the rest of my useful life. Both letters came together on the same day and, after I had read them, I literally turned over on my bed in overload, tears and pain, and fell asleep for three hours. My death to self was complete. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. My words were like Jesus's words "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" In a sense the ground had indeed opened up and the seed had fallen in and died. At first I just reeled in pain and in a great sense of injustice. I didn't need anyone to tell me about reality. Reality had stared me in the face through the bars of that court room during a mock trial and through judges who wouldn't even look me in the face as they dramatically called me "persona non grata" and declared that I would be thrown from the country on the completion of my 20 year sentence "Oh Lord why?" was my cry. Slowly I started to see I was not deluded. God certainly had not forsaken me, He still was in control and I was in the centre of His will. I hadn't wanted to go beyond the trial but God knew I needed to if the self in me was to die - and oh how it did and oh how it needed to for me to be made useful to God! Jesus's words in John are quite clear where He says unless it dies, the seed cannot bear fruit. I recorded in my journal in November how I saw my death that day and, though in the trauma of that day it may sound a little dramatic, I think it sums it up quite well. I wrote:- "Today I was sentenced to 20 years in a High Security prison for allegedly abusing two of my precious children. My sequested belongings were given to the State of Albania and I was awarded costs. I was publicly denounced to the world by a scandal hungry media as the foulest of criminals. All my reputation was publicly stripped away and I was declared a foul paedophile. My passport has been taken and my right to freedom also. New documents have been clearly written committing me to the will of the Albanian State for the next 20 years. They now effectively control every aspect of my life. I no longer have free will." Yes, at first, that seemed to be the reality that folk wanted me to realise, but I don't belong to the Albanian State. I belong to my Father God Who is the ultimate Judge and is my Daddy. He has not forsaken me and loves me wholeheartedly. He is my Saviour and Deliverer - that is what His name "Jesus" means. He knows my heart of love for Him and my innocence and He will never fail me.
I have been struggling trying to find what it is God has in store for me and if I'm going in the right direction. This email today, as I read it, I was feeling my own desperation of being imprisoned. No, nothing I go through is anything like David is going through. I thank God for that. I don't think I could have endured what he has. The desperation and fear of the unknown and how we would like the story to end and then being faced with the reality that God has something different planned for us. No matter how painful the experience God will always work things out for the good of those who love him.
Our struggles and confusion God holds in the palm of his hand. He is never out of control of our lives. It's us who get so focused in our day to day life that lose sight of him.We all have had some circumstance that has come out of left field that just has us reeling. While I was reading this I was amazed that no matter what we go through, a child that has an addiction, a spouse that has left you high and dry, a diagnosis of a terminal illness, or God just has you take a left turn out of no where and you lose your barrings for a few, we all express that feeling of "GOD WHERE ARE YOU".
It always comes down to dying to self. Dying to what we think we want or we need and just submitting to God's will. In my struggle I believe the Lord is telling me, Be Still and KNOW that he is GOD! I do for him because I love him. I will learn to BE STILL and watch what he does, because I love him. I got that same feeling as I read this email. David is in a situation he has no control over. He is solely and completely dependent on the Lord. This is where we all should be every second of every day. Sounds good, but it is hard for all of us. Other people around the world are being changed by his story. Even the guards in the prison who thought he was guilty now believe he is innocent.
David has had many people send him encouraging letters. The letters and his faith in Jesus Christ have kept him going. I think we all need to be encouraging to each other. You never know who you will reach out to where you can make a difference in their lives. People just sent David letters. People he doesn't even know, keep him going. He is able to see the love of Jesus through the letters from perfect strangers. We need to be able to that for each other as well.
At last God's healing balm, the warmth of Spring and your love from God is melting the ice of my heart. I can see now why all this had to happen. Like Job, God needed me to find Him and to trust Him in a way I never have done before. Only when all is stripped away and nothing is left to hang on to in the dark except Him, when your life falls apart and you feel like you are losing your mind, when you have lost all you hold dear, when you can no longer write as nothing makes sense enough to put it down on paper and all your dreams and plans turn to dust, then, and only then, do you realise that you can do nothing without Him. You realise that your life hangs in Him alone.
I will end this blog with the same sentence David uses to end his email
I look forward to sharing more victories to the Glory of God in my future writings.......
Please add David Brown to your prayers
