Friday

Mary Magdalene
She was only one of the women that were so grief stricken by the death of Christ. I believe it was so painful for her, because he had done so much for her. He had done for her, what no one else could ever do. He had shown her love, forgiveness and grace. When you have never seen that before and Christ does that for you, there are no words to describe what is in your heart for him.

She was so thankful to him, that she was the last one to leave him on the cross, and one of the first to go to his tomb. I can only imagine that she so wanted to express her undying love for him, by performing one more act of love for him by going to the tomb. When she saw that he was no long in the tomb, and that the stone had been rolled away, she was confused. I believe she was overwhelmed with doubt and confusion. She thought they had stolen his body, only to continue to defile the Christ that had shown her so much love. In her pain, she cried out in a death wail. I do know what that sounds like. I too have just cried out to God in such doubt and confusion that every part of you aches. I know I’m not the only one. That was her silence of heaven moment. That was her breaking point in her circumstance that had no logic and could not be explained to her at that moment. Her grief had just taken over. If it’s ok for her to have doubt and confusion in that moment, it’s ok for us to.

She didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to get out of this painful circumstance. Christ death on the cross gives us power over our confusion and doubt. Mary M was bewildered in her pain, but Christ was putting together an answer to her pain that she couldn’t even imagine. He heard her cry. He knew she was in pain. She had to go all the way through the pain to receive the Glory of Jesus Christ.

She was in agony because she had something taken from her, and she didn’t understand why. What is it that you have had taken from you, and your not sure why? What questions are you asking your self? Mary was overwhelmed by Christ being taken from her in spirit, and then his body was taken at the tomb. She had double pain. We now know that Christ has something much better for her that she couldn’t even see or think of. It’s ok if we are at a place of doubt and confusion. He understands. He loves us and cares for us, but sometimes we must experience confusing pain, in order for God to show us his Glory. Mary M was a faithful obedient servant that still experienced pain.

It’s ok if you can’t lift your head out of your doubt and confusion today. He gives us time to grieve. When you’re done, get ready, because something amazing will come out of your pain.

It Friday but Sunday is coming!

The Silence of Heaven

Yep, as you can tell from the title, this is will be another road we will go down together and I'm not sure where it will lead. Lets go shall we, and see what God has in store for us...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Prov 3:5-6

I feel as if my "own understanding" has been ripped out from underneath me and I don't know where it went. I believe that's why we're instructed not to lean on it, because what you think you know to be true can change in the blink of an eye. Not that is wasn't true, just that it's not true now because the game has changed.

I think right now my life can be explained as a video game. You know how you start of on the first level you die repeatedly, you learn from your mistakes and along the way you can pick up stuff that gives you strength, health, or happiness. If you keep going at it, and you don't get discouraged, you can make it all the way to the end of the level. YEAH right! Success! You go to level two, and the game has changed. You have to learn new ways to get to the end now. Level two is completely different. You've never been here and you don't know what to expect.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I don't doubt my trust in him, or that what ever he has planned for me won't be good. I feel as if God has leveled the playing field for me. I feel as if I have lost my purpose. What I thought my purpose was and the path I was on, has now completely changed in all areas of my life. The path was going one way, I thought I had a handle on it, and now, not so much. I am totally and completely broken to the things God has taken me through in the last several months. We are still going through it, and it's not over yet, and boy does it hurt.

The silence of heaven
I feel very comforted by the Lord. I feel like I have no direction from him. I can sense his comforting presence and I know that he will never leave me, but I have lost my direction. I feel as if all of heaven is silent. I can hear myself and all my questions of why, but there is no answer yet. I know there will be. In the interim it is so hard. These feelings of doubt and fear I am working on a daily basis now. I didn't even realize I had so much fear of what the future holds for me. I do know he holds the future, so you think it would be easier than this.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I have to give a shout out to Chris Tomlin. He writes such great lyrics to songs. In one of his songs he writes, "and my faith shall be my eyes".

Lord, let my faith be my eyes. Let me not lean on my own understanding and continue to look to you for my direction. Let me remain strong and courageous, even in the silence of heaven.