The Silence of Heaven

Yep, as you can tell from the title, this is will be another road we will go down together and I'm not sure where it will lead. Lets go shall we, and see what God has in store for us...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Prov 3:5-6

I feel as if my "own understanding" has been ripped out from underneath me and I don't know where it went. I believe that's why we're instructed not to lean on it, because what you think you know to be true can change in the blink of an eye. Not that is wasn't true, just that it's not true now because the game has changed.

I think right now my life can be explained as a video game. You know how you start of on the first level you die repeatedly, you learn from your mistakes and along the way you can pick up stuff that gives you strength, health, or happiness. If you keep going at it, and you don't get discouraged, you can make it all the way to the end of the level. YEAH right! Success! You go to level two, and the game has changed. You have to learn new ways to get to the end now. Level two is completely different. You've never been here and you don't know what to expect.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I don't doubt my trust in him, or that what ever he has planned for me won't be good. I feel as if God has leveled the playing field for me. I feel as if I have lost my purpose. What I thought my purpose was and the path I was on, has now completely changed in all areas of my life. The path was going one way, I thought I had a handle on it, and now, not so much. I am totally and completely broken to the things God has taken me through in the last several months. We are still going through it, and it's not over yet, and boy does it hurt.

The silence of heaven
I feel very comforted by the Lord. I feel like I have no direction from him. I can sense his comforting presence and I know that he will never leave me, but I have lost my direction. I feel as if all of heaven is silent. I can hear myself and all my questions of why, but there is no answer yet. I know there will be. In the interim it is so hard. These feelings of doubt and fear I am working on a daily basis now. I didn't even realize I had so much fear of what the future holds for me. I do know he holds the future, so you think it would be easier than this.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I have to give a shout out to Chris Tomlin. He writes such great lyrics to songs. In one of his songs he writes, "and my faith shall be my eyes".

Lord, let my faith be my eyes. Let me not lean on my own understanding and continue to look to you for my direction. Let me remain strong and courageous, even in the silence of heaven.