New Year

Going from one year to another can be exciting. We all get a start over hoping to do this year better than we did the last. People make resolutions with a goal in mind, determined to have a better new year. I am one of those people. I 'll go back to my famous resolution of losing weight. That lasts till about April for me then it's game over. I hope I will be able to go longer this year, but I don't know. I really like Mc Donalds.

As I stand at the edge of 2008, looking out into 2009 I wonder what God has in store for me. We say goodbye to the old and ring in the new. I've learned so much about my self this year. I wonder if I will get a chance to use what God has shown me? I hope that this year brings me a new job.

I think I'm ready for new things this coming year. New things were so frightening for me in the past. I love to cling to the same. I feel safe there. I'm learning that where there is safety solely relied on me, there is no growth. I want to grow. I don't want to be afraid of everything anymore. My strength and hope are in Jesus Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. My life is not what I want it to be, but what he has for me. He takes so much better care of me than I ever could myself. I want to find my freedom in his saving grace. Lets all take a leap of faith in 2009 and see what God has in store for us. I can't wait.

I wish anyone who reads this a Happy New Year! All two of you.

Due time

The Bible speaks many times about the perseverance through pain and suffering. Can I say that I am not the biggest fan of this. Here is the definition of perseverance -steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Here is was what was listed as a theology definition- continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

Key words that are difficult for me, steady and continuance. Really? Really? Who is a fan of steady and continual pain? That goes against everything in my brain. No one wants any pain at all. Especially not continual and steady pain.

Humble yourselves therefore under God's mighty right hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6-7
What time is due time? It will be 6:00 am soon. Is that due time? Will I have humbled myself enough by six o'clock? I may not be humble by six, but I sure am going to be tired.

And the God of all grace,who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.1Peter 5:10
Again, suffered a little while? I believe my time frame and God's time frame of suffering are different. I would rather not suffer at all. It hurts too much. If I had to pick a time frame I'd probably go with no more than five minutes.

Here is the big problem, without pain there will be no restoration. Things need to die in order to bring new life. I am a BIG fan of restoration and dying to things, people, emotions,addictions, etc. That scripture says God himself will restore me. That is a promise from God. He doesn't break his promises. He is the God of all grace and he loves and cares for us. That is why we need him. I can 't do life on my own. I did try it for a while and boy did I do some tremendous damage there. I have learned that I would rather go through my pain and suffering with him, that without him. He does such a better job with my life than I could have ever even imagined. I had to humble my self before the Mighty right hand of God. It was there that I found grace.

We need to be in a continual state of grace. Grace. This is something else that is a difficult concept for me. God loves me no matter what I have done. My past is behind me and he loves me as if I have never sinned. So that must mean the grace road goes both ways. I have to have grace with others, that have triggered my pain, which I must persevere through? I feel like I am on a merry go round now. There seems to be a circle of events happening here. I also have to show myself grace. Who knew that? You mean I'm not perfect? I don't get everything right? Of course not. I am not perfect, I make mistakes. In God's grace he will honor my imperfection.

I struggle with looking at problems so hard, that I am unable to see what else is going on around it. Some days it's not even about me. Wow, not everything that happens in my life is about me, again who knew. This is why I must cling to all of God's promises for me. I must keep my focus on him and not the circumstances that are trying to get me to go into a downward spiral of doubt and fear. I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of God's love mercy and grace for me. God never promised us a life without pain. He does promise us that he will never leave or forsake us.

So, I will be patient and wait for "due time". Will it be painful? Yes.I hold on to the promise that God will bring me through to the other side, and that "due time" is coming. I will persevere until I get to the place of restoration.
I love that place!

WHAT????

This is my day in a nut shell.

My son whom I haven't seen since July said that he doesn't want us to pick him up from the airport on the 20th. He wants to just meet us here at the apartment. So , who you say will pick him up? I believe the girl that he likes that I thought he was done with. WHAT???-I'm going to pick him up from the airport. I don't care who is there.

My daughter is angry with me b/c I won't let her grow up and live her life. I don't care about her feelings ( said in anger with big alligator tears in her eyes and a clenched fist) I'm just trying to control her. WHAT??? - She will have to get over it. I love her and that's the way it is.

My moms leg started to swell in one place with no reason. You could visibly see the veins in her leg when she stood up. She said it hurt her very much and she had a burning sensation. She said " I hope it's not a blood clot". I am going to go to the emergency room to have them check it out. WHAT???? -she is back from the ER and she is ok. Don't worry.

While my mom was gone someone had to watch my niece and nephew. My mom leaves to go to the Er and my niece looks at me and says the following, "There is only one of you and two of us".
WHAT????-she went to bed on time. I let her brother stay up a little later.

With that ALL being said this is what I learned this morning....

When we maximize our problems we minimize God's greatness. We also minimize in our minds, God's ability to handle our problems.
Seriously, who else is going to handle all of my problems. I have found that when I do, it just makes things much worse. I have to have faith in God to KNOW that he will see me through to the other side. There is a really good reason he is called the ALPHA and the OMEGA. He is the beginning and the end. He is everything in between. He can handle my life all on his own. He doesn't need me to throw a monkey wrench in it.

I have a real tendency to stay focused on what I see in front of me. I've heard it explained as looking at a beautiful picture. It's so beautiful you start to really study it. You pick through it, go over every part of it. Then it happens. EUREKA! You find a flaw. Now you spend the rest of the time looking at the flaw. You try to analyze how did the flaw come into being, how long has it been there, who else has seen the flaw and didn't say anything about it. Does anyone remember the beautiful picture? We get so caught up in looking at what's wrong, we forget to look at whats right. Flaws are there for a reason. My flaws are there to teach me. Most of the time it's to keep me humble when I start to think I can do this on my own. WHAT??? I have a controlling nature. Being a single mom it is so very important for me to have it together all the time. There is no one else to blame here. If it goes bad, it's all me. One reason I liked being married was, that there was always someone else you could blame. JK. A good advantage of being a Christ follower is that I'm never alone.Everyday I get I up, and give all the insanity to him. Beautiful and flawed. Just the way he likes it.

lyrics from a great song we sing at Church at the Bay,
Great God greater than us all forgive us we have made you small, God open our eyes to see.
Who's up for a good eye opener?