New Year

Going from one year to another can be exciting. We all get a start over hoping to do this year better than we did the last. People make resolutions with a goal in mind, determined to have a better new year. I am one of those people. I 'll go back to my famous resolution of losing weight. That lasts till about April for me then it's game over. I hope I will be able to go longer this year, but I don't know. I really like Mc Donalds.

As I stand at the edge of 2008, looking out into 2009 I wonder what God has in store for me. We say goodbye to the old and ring in the new. I've learned so much about my self this year. I wonder if I will get a chance to use what God has shown me? I hope that this year brings me a new job.

I think I'm ready for new things this coming year. New things were so frightening for me in the past. I love to cling to the same. I feel safe there. I'm learning that where there is safety solely relied on me, there is no growth. I want to grow. I don't want to be afraid of everything anymore. My strength and hope are in Jesus Christ. He will never leave me or forsake me. My life is not what I want it to be, but what he has for me. He takes so much better care of me than I ever could myself. I want to find my freedom in his saving grace. Lets all take a leap of faith in 2009 and see what God has in store for us. I can't wait.

I wish anyone who reads this a Happy New Year! All two of you.

Due time

The Bible speaks many times about the perseverance through pain and suffering. Can I say that I am not the biggest fan of this. Here is the definition of perseverance -steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
Here is was what was listed as a theology definition- continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

Key words that are difficult for me, steady and continuance. Really? Really? Who is a fan of steady and continual pain? That goes against everything in my brain. No one wants any pain at all. Especially not continual and steady pain.

Humble yourselves therefore under God's mighty right hand that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6-7
What time is due time? It will be 6:00 am soon. Is that due time? Will I have humbled myself enough by six o'clock? I may not be humble by six, but I sure am going to be tired.

And the God of all grace,who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.1Peter 5:10
Again, suffered a little while? I believe my time frame and God's time frame of suffering are different. I would rather not suffer at all. It hurts too much. If I had to pick a time frame I'd probably go with no more than five minutes.

Here is the big problem, without pain there will be no restoration. Things need to die in order to bring new life. I am a BIG fan of restoration and dying to things, people, emotions,addictions, etc. That scripture says God himself will restore me. That is a promise from God. He doesn't break his promises. He is the God of all grace and he loves and cares for us. That is why we need him. I can 't do life on my own. I did try it for a while and boy did I do some tremendous damage there. I have learned that I would rather go through my pain and suffering with him, that without him. He does such a better job with my life than I could have ever even imagined. I had to humble my self before the Mighty right hand of God. It was there that I found grace.

We need to be in a continual state of grace. Grace. This is something else that is a difficult concept for me. God loves me no matter what I have done. My past is behind me and he loves me as if I have never sinned. So that must mean the grace road goes both ways. I have to have grace with others, that have triggered my pain, which I must persevere through? I feel like I am on a merry go round now. There seems to be a circle of events happening here. I also have to show myself grace. Who knew that? You mean I'm not perfect? I don't get everything right? Of course not. I am not perfect, I make mistakes. In God's grace he will honor my imperfection.

I struggle with looking at problems so hard, that I am unable to see what else is going on around it. Some days it's not even about me. Wow, not everything that happens in my life is about me, again who knew. This is why I must cling to all of God's promises for me. I must keep my focus on him and not the circumstances that are trying to get me to go into a downward spiral of doubt and fear. I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of God's love mercy and grace for me. God never promised us a life without pain. He does promise us that he will never leave or forsake us.

So, I will be patient and wait for "due time". Will it be painful? Yes.I hold on to the promise that God will bring me through to the other side, and that "due time" is coming. I will persevere until I get to the place of restoration.
I love that place!

WHAT????

This is my day in a nut shell.

My son whom I haven't seen since July said that he doesn't want us to pick him up from the airport on the 20th. He wants to just meet us here at the apartment. So , who you say will pick him up? I believe the girl that he likes that I thought he was done with. WHAT???-I'm going to pick him up from the airport. I don't care who is there.

My daughter is angry with me b/c I won't let her grow up and live her life. I don't care about her feelings ( said in anger with big alligator tears in her eyes and a clenched fist) I'm just trying to control her. WHAT??? - She will have to get over it. I love her and that's the way it is.

My moms leg started to swell in one place with no reason. You could visibly see the veins in her leg when she stood up. She said it hurt her very much and she had a burning sensation. She said " I hope it's not a blood clot". I am going to go to the emergency room to have them check it out. WHAT???? -she is back from the ER and she is ok. Don't worry.

While my mom was gone someone had to watch my niece and nephew. My mom leaves to go to the Er and my niece looks at me and says the following, "There is only one of you and two of us".
WHAT????-she went to bed on time. I let her brother stay up a little later.

With that ALL being said this is what I learned this morning....

When we maximize our problems we minimize God's greatness. We also minimize in our minds, God's ability to handle our problems.
Seriously, who else is going to handle all of my problems. I have found that when I do, it just makes things much worse. I have to have faith in God to KNOW that he will see me through to the other side. There is a really good reason he is called the ALPHA and the OMEGA. He is the beginning and the end. He is everything in between. He can handle my life all on his own. He doesn't need me to throw a monkey wrench in it.

I have a real tendency to stay focused on what I see in front of me. I've heard it explained as looking at a beautiful picture. It's so beautiful you start to really study it. You pick through it, go over every part of it. Then it happens. EUREKA! You find a flaw. Now you spend the rest of the time looking at the flaw. You try to analyze how did the flaw come into being, how long has it been there, who else has seen the flaw and didn't say anything about it. Does anyone remember the beautiful picture? We get so caught up in looking at what's wrong, we forget to look at whats right. Flaws are there for a reason. My flaws are there to teach me. Most of the time it's to keep me humble when I start to think I can do this on my own. WHAT??? I have a controlling nature. Being a single mom it is so very important for me to have it together all the time. There is no one else to blame here. If it goes bad, it's all me. One reason I liked being married was, that there was always someone else you could blame. JK. A good advantage of being a Christ follower is that I'm never alone.Everyday I get I up, and give all the insanity to him. Beautiful and flawed. Just the way he likes it.

lyrics from a great song we sing at Church at the Bay,
Great God greater than us all forgive us we have made you small, God open our eyes to see.
Who's up for a good eye opener?

The sinful women

Luke 7:36-50 Jesus Anointed by a sinful women. These short 15 verses mean so much to me.


How hard it is, when we look at our lives and decide this is not how I thought it would all turn out. Guilt ,shame and despair set up shop in our hearts. We believe that we are no better than what we have become. What we have turned into. A shell of the person we know in our hearts we could have been. If only things had been different. If our home lives would have been better, if our husbands really showed us the affection we are longing. If only.

How did I get here? More importantly how do I make it stop? God, how do I make it all stop?

I can only imagine the way this sinful women felt when she was at the feet of Jesus. She treated Jesus like he was the only person in the room. It was just her, her sin, and Jesus. She must have been so fed up with her life that she didn't care who said what about her, or to her, she just knew she had to be in his presence. She stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair,kissed them and poured perfume on them.

She was behind him weeping. How often do we stand behind Christ weeping at his feet because we are too ashamed to show our face? We are afraid that he won't accept us in the condition we have allowed oursleves to be in. We let that fear keep us from being in his presence. Christ will never turn away from us. It is we who turn away from him. Her tears must have been hundreds of gut wrenching tears. Not one time did Christ tell her to stop. He never told her what she was doing wasn't necessary. It is SO necessary. We must come to the father in complete surrender just the way we are at that exact moment. We must humble ourselves before him. He is the only one that can make the pain stop. It doesn't matter how long the pain has been there, or if you believe it's just to big, no one will understand. He understands and he wants to love you in spite of your sins. He just wants to be your father and show you how much love he has for you.

Jesus said to her, "your sins are forgiven, your faith has saved you, go in peace." How she must have felt after hearing those words. Only her father could forgive her and wash away her sins. She is now a new creature in Christ Jesus. She will still stumble, but she will not be shaken ,for she is in the presence of the great healer now and forever more.

Black Friday

This was the first year in fifteen years I didn't attend black Friday. I got to sleep in and watch it unfold before me remotely from my bed. To say the least it was different. I just love to get up at 3 am, throw my clothes on, get some hot cocoa, and go wait in line for hours in the cold. The bonding experience in line with other people that are willing to beat the crap out of you if you are in line for the same item, is like no other experience. I was doing black Friday before it was cool to do it. Back in the day, there were no police to guard the doors or break up any fights. We were all on our own.

I remember one year we were at KB toys. It was a very small store in Charleston SC. It probably should have had a 50 person cap. There were over 100 people standing in line to get in. They gave the 10 second count down, 3 2 1. Then the gate slide open and people crammed in the store like sardines. There were so many people side by side that the items on the top shelf were swaying back and forth. The next thing you know the lady standing next to me got hit on the head with a My Size Barbie box. She hit the floor and then people just started walking over her because she was no longer in the way. She had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. The next year they only let a certain amount of people in the store. Good idea!

I believe Black Friday has now become a sport. There is always a choice. Shop and take the risk of being trampled on, or watch safely and remotely from your bed.

What are you thankful for?

As we come upon Thanksgiving I am always in awe of why we don't drink at our family functions. Seriously, Jesus always had wine when he was in groups of people. When all he had was water, he turned it into wine. Need I say more. Don't get upset by my Jesus humor. I am a friend of God he calls me friend. Just like the song. I'm sure he's laughing right now.

I am Thankful for my family. I remember the holidays I spent all alone with no one around. I hate the thought of anyone being alone on a holiday. It's the best day for the devil to really creep into your thoughts. People believe that if they have no where to go on a holiday no one loves or cares for them. This is propaganda brought to you by satan himself.

As I reflect on this last year(what a doozy it's been) I'm thankful for what God has done in the past, what he is doing right now in the present, and what he promises us he will do in the future.

Happy Thanksgiving!

God has a sense of humor

I don't believe it's a secret that I don't like my job. I've been doing the same job for about 12 years. I am praying for change and being patient until God opens the door to something else. Just this morning before I even opened my eyes I was having a conversation with God. It went something like this: "Lord, please don't make me go to my wretched wretched job today. I just can't even get up out of bed today to do that. I don't want to go please don't make me." About 20 minutes later I got up. I went through the motions of my morning ritual of getting ready to go to work, got in car, and drove to my wretched job. I sent Jen an email explaining my discontent. She said "Your going to have a great day and God is going to bless you". Great,maybe he will bless me with a new job.I say another prayer before I swipe my key fob to get in the building. It went something like this: "Lord you already know that I don't want to be here. I pray that your light really shines through me today and that people see you and definitely not me."

I enter the building....

I log into my computer and begin to work. The same thing I've been doing for forever. I probably could do it with my eyes closed. It gets to be about 10:00 and i see an email in my in box. The email reads as follows: "We would like to congratulate Desiree McElroy as she is our employee of the month." Wait let me go back and read the email again. Really? ME? Employee of the month? WOW! You may need to take this time to go back to the beginning and read again. It doesn't change. I don't like my job.

What a fantastic testament to what the Holy Spirit can do in a person. I didn't get employee of the month based on my willingness to be there, I can tell you that. It was because I am helpful when people need assistance. I put others needs ahead of my own. Even though I don't like my job, my boss is always the same. I work for the Lord.

I always look so hard to see if I am being obedient and if there is more that I can do. I try to live my life as a servant every day. It gets hard to see through the repetition day in and day out. I believe God shows himself in all kinds of ways. I believe he was telling me today,"I know you don't like it here, you would rather be doing something else for me, but I appreciate your obedience." His encouragement means more to me than Employee of the month. It means I am a child of God and I am his humble servant. That's the best job ever!